If You Don’t Want Children, That’s Your Business

3 min readAug 3, 2021

And nobody elses


I’m writing this because of a Medium article I read about the selfishness of not having children.

I have three grown children and five grandchildren. I had my first child at 19 and my third at 24. Raising them was the best time of my life. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

Before I got pregnant the first time, I asked myself if I would be providing a body for the government for another war. The Vietnam War was raging at the time, and mothers were losing their sons. I often think that if I could do it over again, I wouldn’t bring children into this world for that very reason.

When my youngest son was 15 years old, he told me that he never wanted children. He said that they cost too much and they make a big mess. He stuck to that until he was in his 30’s and he found a woman with the same values.

For most of history, people had children because there was no way to stop it. Then came the pill and the boomer generation. I know of a lot of boomers who chose not to have children. They are happy about that decision.

Choosing not to have children is not a selfish act

My brother didn’t have children. He said he would be an abusive parent, and that’s why he didn’t want any. Our father died when he was four, and I was nine. He left us with an abusive, mentally ill mother. My brother knew that because of the abuse he suffered, he most likely would be abusive also. That’s what I call an unselfish, mature decision.

My mother should not have had children, but that’s what women of her generation and all previous generations did. Employment outside the home was the men’s domain.

Mom hated children. She hated her own children. When I was 12 years old, she told me never to get married and have children. It will ruin your life.

If I had a choice in the matter, I wouldn’t have even been born if it meant having a mother like her.

Every child brought into this world deserves to be happy, and that includes you. If happiness means not having children, good for you.


A free spirit, visual artist, writer, animal lover, introvert, blogger and independent woman.